I Drove Like An Asshole

This girl drove like an asshole…

That’s right, I sure did. I was in a red honda element with my hazard lights on. Two of you idiots tried to swerve out and block me, but you failed because the emergency lane is so wide. Know what I love about the emergency lane? It’s great for EMERGENCIES.

Did it ever occur to you that some serious shit might be going on inside my car? That maybe I was driving directly from a Doctor’s office to my pharmacy (at HEB, where you followed me and left a note on my car instead of TALKING TO ME LIKE AN ADULT) to fill a desperately needed rx? That maybe I was sweating, shaking, and sobbing in pain while driving “like an asshole”? Well, who’s the asshole now? Yes, I got desperate enough to have bad manners on the road for once. DID YOU PISS BLOOD TODAY? I fucking am, right now, as I type this on my laptop.

So FUCK you, I have a perfect driving record (no tickets, no accidents) but an IMPERFECT collection of internal organs, you presumptuous fucking asshole. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. If you had called me out in person you would have seen the pain I was in. Anyway, fuck you, I don’t give a shit if you sent a video to APD, you wannabe vigilante. I have the paperwork that proves my Doctor visit and Rx pickup times. I used the emergency lane for what it was made for, I got the drugs I needed, and now I’m home safe and already starting to feel relief, no thanks to a bunch of dicks on the road assuming that everyone else is just as dickish as they are.

*YOU* are the asshole. How lovely it must be to have the free time to casually follow people around and leave shitty notes on their cars… but how unlovely it must be to not have the balls to say “HEY” to someone in person – not even to a 130-pound woman.

EDIT: I DO NOT HAVE ANY NARCOTICS. Stop emailing me about backrubs and drugs.

via Craigslist